Recovery. What it's really like.

Choosing the path of recovery,

Gently lifting the eating disorder shelf,

You’re onto some huge discovery,

“What the hell”, is the first thing you tell yourself.

Your entire world becomes a mess,

Negative outcomes of life, however small,

Provoke utter feelings of distress,

Emotions of panic and anger snowball.

Your brain in sate of malnutrition,

Triggers a compulsion to scream and to cry,

Burning high, like after ignition,

Eating ample food, in due course, makes it die.

Your soul existed as a shadow,

When sustenance you restricted all these years,

With no sources for feelings to flow,

Your life force stayed contained in between frontiers.

“Maybe I give it a try”, you think,

For a split second, it could be that you can,

“I’ve got this”, you declare as you wink,

Right then, post-bite, come the feelings you can’t stand.

Illness exposed, you feel a great loss,

Broken apart as you relinquish control,

Twenty-four seven mental chaos,

Your loved ones acting like the freaking patrol.

When they sit with you to have a meal,

Your pulse rises, throwing your temper so high,

Always watched, pitied and judged you feel,

Shaking, yet keeping it together you try.

A lonely illness they say; it’s true.

Adventures, memories and friends you have missed,

The saddest part of it all is you,

When in silence crying “I’ll never be fixed”.

Instead, please repeat, “I will be well”.

By exercising the power of the mind,

You can gradually exit this hell,

The bouts of hysteria silence do find.

Trust the process for life to reemerge.

As cliché as the next couple words will sound,

Long-held demons you learn how to purge,

Your spirit, and soul, in the process are found.