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August 4, 2018

Somewhere in early adulthood, being the reflection of what my entourage appreciated, knowing how I “shouldn’t be”, gave direction to my life: a sense of the type of girl I ought turn into. In dedicating myself to what others expected, or valued I became carefree of my...

August 1, 2018

I have taken a longer break from writing about anorexia, recovery, or the self-growth and awareness that arise as you are almost forced, to meticulously analyze your thinking and actions, in the process back to health. But in my pause, one idea kept surging back to min...

April 14, 2018

When it comes to my recovery from anorexia, I’d say that I didn’t follow what seems to be the standard course of treatment. Or perhaps, I did. Despite what we know as official, clinical approaches to treating eating disorders, who is to say that the majority of suffere...

April 8, 2018

We all want to be special, pull off something grand, be the exception to the rule. Anorexia almost made it possible. Almost, because through some mystical enlightenment, we realize that our superpower is in fact not sustainable. We see a choice, a tragic one: we can st...

April 5, 2018

Although I never intended to loose any mass,

Pleasure I found, in how fast my hunger pangs pass.

Then came the day,

When all it took was a glimpse to say:

This aversion to food,

It’s making all of my bones protrude!

Not to worry, tomorrow I start eating.

A journal, you think,...

March 30, 2018

Reconnecting over dinner with an old friend recently made me realize how close one can feel to someone who has either lived or is familiar with struggles alike. Numerous times and to various friends, I tried explaining what anorexia is about, or how recovery transforms...

March 25, 2018

When we surrender our soul

To the earthquake that is love,

The shaking may stand so strong that

The fortress we devoted our life building

Crashes.

In a matter of seconds, all pillars collapse

Rapidly, becoming the past.

When we forgive ourselves

For having allowed the mold,

The...

March 21, 2018

This may sound like just another idealistic, cringing type of post about the journey through recovery from an eating disorder; nonetheless it’s one I very much find worth sharing. It is not some empathetic, or fatal way of accepting one’s faith by thinking that everyth...

March 3, 2018

After locking myself up for a whole spring, moodier and more stressed than I had ever been, pounds shredding off my body like grated cheese, I finally sat the CFA level III exam. With every weekend spent at the office, and each work night dedicated to studying or packi...

February 17, 2018

As I am sitting in my apartment tonight, having gone through two bags of pretzels and a full jar of chocolates, after a rather copious dinner, I wanted to revisit a topic I’m most passionate about: unrestricted eating and how that looks for someone recovering from anor...

February 13, 2018

Not even a week into your first attempt at recovery and you soon find yourself in an inexplicable physical and emotional mess. A chaos that makes no sense, as you expected everything to get better once you started the so-called healing. Meet Recovery from an eating dis...

February 10, 2018

Anger and resentment every so often over-flood my heart.

I try and struggle to stay an observer, simply let them depart.

I recognize they are only feelings, and were never part of me,

But the eager stabs at acceptance are ones that reject me.

Each time I sit in emotions, a...

February 7, 2018

If you are recovering from an eating disorder, I wouldn’t be surprised if you also toyed with the idea of veganism. A lot of the philosophy lies behind “eating in abundance” and “nourishing your body”, all while focusing on the health properties of food. Some may use c...

February 6, 2018

Choosing the path of recovery,

Gently lifting the eating disorder shelf,

You’re onto some huge discovery,

“What the hell”, is the first thing you tell yourself.

Your entire world becomes a mess,

Negative outcomes of life, however small,

Provoke utter feelings of distress,

Emo...

February 4, 2018

Anorexic genes thrive in calorie deficits! See, I loved to walk. I would walk from Tribeca to the Upper East Side. I would walk from the Upper East Side to the Financial District. I would walk from Midtown to Brooklyn. I truly loved walking. I walked more and more as I...

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