The more unawareness I meet in my interactions with friends and relatives, the stronger my impulse to expose every single bit of my story. I trust that awareness will help lift up the stigma behind mental illness and foster more openness from fellow sufferers. I believe this to be an essential factor for advancing towards full recovery. Remission is certainly an outcome, a positive one in fact, whereby you achieve a long-lasting and effective reduction of symptoms that enables you to lead a normal, integrated life. I however, am a believer of full recovery.
The more I learned about eating disorders, and with each step forward in the direction of that blissful recovered place, my voice got louder and louder. Writing helped me make sense of the grips of anorexia. More so, it made me curious to look within. It allowed me to better understand my inner-Self. And so, paragraph through paragraph, the reflection of AK became clearer and clearer.
Then, I started talking. And yes, some people never really got it, and they didn’t have to, they were simply there for me. Others, they talk. Even so, they are not malevolent. It’s the unawareness and misperception that contribute to seeming acts of carelessness or lack of empathy. Indeed, in sharing others’ struggles over tea and scones, their misfortunes over cocktails and appetizers, criticizing ways of living that aren’t in line with own beliefs, all that’s done is treating the stories as mundane. Were the reality truly grasped, rest assured the outcome would be different.
And well, every so often, it is unavoidable to come across a few who show more prevalent amusement of our suffering. Almost exclusively, it is a (ineffective) mechanism used to soothe their personal struggles and insecurities. Stay kind.
Happy people are not jealous people, happy people are not unkind people, and happy people are not occupied with meager gossip. Happy people are content in their present and so, they strive to spread love, to sprinkle joy.
In circumstances that others may deem undesirable, I found myself bursting with positivity. I was onto discovering something grand. Each day, no matter how good or bad, how cheerful or sad, how clear or gloomy, I was genuinely happy.
I may have travelled the world, finished prestigious schools, built infinite friendships and accumulated some highly acclaimed titles, and yet, here I was, battling anorexia, and finding the vibrant happiness none of those accomplishments ever brought. Tears of joy down my face as I walked through the park, a smiling face as I was perfecting my warrior pose, feelings of bliss whenever hanging with my family, falling in love with the simple things.
Do I wish I never plunged in the grips of anorexia? Of course. But coming out the other end, I Regret Nothing. The admiration I found for myself in overcoming the battles each and every day, along with the knowledge I gained in the journey have opened my mind to the existence of a greater power and shaped me to become the best version of myself. The major teachings I carry from my recovery are how very lucky I am for the people in my life, and how contributing to something bigger can save thy soul.